well, where shall i begin? at 36, i have come to grips with the idea that i will not have a best sista/girl/friend in my life. and that need to stop looking outside of self for what self hasn't already fulfilled. i've found that i can be a good friend, but not one who makes soulbonds like some women do. try as i might to forge friendships and force friendships, differences appear, people drift apart, relocate... things happen, circumstances change. call it maturity, growth, evolution, revolution, whatever. now is different than then. i'm no longer that attention-starved girl/woman bent on people pleasing, trying to make everyone like her, but blind to her own needs, ignorant to love of self. now is the time for me to love up on me. to surround myself with a positivity that feeds the soulbond with myself. every person, place, thing, circumstance, i must see and seize as an opportunity for nourishment. i must learn to be my sista/girl/friend. and if i never achieve that woman/soul-bonding with anyone other than myself, i'm ok with that.